Every day is a new chance to make the choice to take that step. You know as well as I do, that it can be the hardest, scariest step forward into the unknown. We don't know where that step is going to lead us. We don't know if we're even capable of even being anything close to what we're imagining in our own mind. All we know is that we can't remain the same. You, and I both know that in a way, it's a slow insane death, to keep living in our skin, but not feeling like it's who we are. Well, for me that's how it felt, that was my story, that was how I felt almost every day of my life since I was a little girl. The fatty names, called a tomboy, bullied because I had developed bigger boobs than the other girls in the 7th grade. Yes, the list goes on, but the most disturbing thing of all was hearing my mom and aunts talking about their bodies in such a demoralizing way that I grew up believing that’s what all women do. I grew up with body image complexes that wasn’t even mine. It was theirs, and probably those women before them, who passed it on to them as well. Pretty much a very vicious cycle of never ending self-deprecation, no self-confidence, a whole lot of shame, hate and misunderstanding, not to mention mistrust in my body. I hated my body. And the few friends I had at that age, were in the same boat as I was. I remember one gal, that straight out told me she had an eating disorder, she knew what it was, and I had no idea what she was talking about, until later in high school. So, you see, what we’re talking about is nothing new. Trust me, even boys and men go through the same body image issues as we do, it’s not limited to girls and women, and it’s not limited to any age. This issue transcends age, because I’ve had to address it in women and men in their 60’s and 70’s as well.
What I’m here to say, is that your transformation journey doesn’t have to be about losing weight, being a certain size, looking a certain way. Nope! For me it was about being healthy, and getting off the dam bathroom floor. It was about walking outside and not dealing with., throwing up, or wondering if I had some ill-fated disease, that sooner or later was going to kill me, and that I was never going to see my kids grow up, and there was not going to be someone to help my husband with his back injury. So, although I wanted to feel beautiful, and fit, what I really wanted and needed was to change my life to live.
That’s right to LIVE! My journey was pulling myself up by the ankles and walking slowly everyday just to get well. In the process, a very slow, long process I managed to realize there was more to making that choice than I first imagined. And today, I’m glad the woman that I was back than had the courage to make that choice, because here I am today stronger, wiser, fitter, and healthier than I ever thought I could be.
That choice, was my saving grace, that saved my life.